We may be trashy—but we’re family
Our Trashy Friends
They say you can’t choose your family… but you can choose your trashy friends—and I picked the smelliest, sneakiest, snack-stealingest friends around. Together, we form the elite squad known only as: “The Alley Alliance”
The Alley Alliance
Golden Bear Records
Golden Bear Records: Too Fancy for Us (But We Have a Plan)
Golden Bear Records is a slick Des Moines-based recording studio and label run by Bryan and Sarah Vanderpool. Sure, they have talent, taste, and possibly matching mugs—but don’t let that fool you. We raccoons may be a little more trashcore than their usual clientele, but we have a strategy.
Step 1: Show up uninvited.
Step 2: Bring questionable snacks.
Step 3: Convince them that whiskey and peanut butter is a genre, not just a pairing.
Honestly, they’re a little too classy for us right now… but with enough bourbon and emotional bribery, we’re confident we can drag them down to our level.
Anyone know if smooth or chunky pairs better with Tennessee whiskey? Asking for a… furry friend.
The Pig Ranch
The Raccoon Engineering–Pig Ranch Alliance: A Tale of Shenanigans, Schematics, and Snorts
It all started one foggy Tuesday morning when Buddy the raccoon, lead project manager at Raccoon Engineering, wandered a bit too far past the blueprints and straight into the back pasture of Jeff and Kathy’s Pig Ranch.
Jeff—legendary tinkerer, part-time philosopher, and full-time project magnet—stood outside his barn wearing his “I Don’t See How a Guy Can Go Wrong” hat, watching a pig attempt to roller skate. (Yes, really. It was part of a “fitness initiative.”) Buddy, never one to miss a chaotic opportunity, offered to assist.
From that moment on, the partnership was sealed.
Iowa Web Hosting
Iowa Web Hosting – Our Enabler in the Digital Dump
Every raccoon needs a place to store their shiny garbage, and thanks to our trashy friends at Iowa Web Hosting, we’ve got a whole internet burrow to stash ours. They provide all the hosting power we need to keep our chaos online—whether it’s schematics for a squirrel-powered satellite or an AI built entirely out of toaster parts.
Are they professionals? Yes.
Do they regret helping us? Also yes.
But it’s too late now.
They said “We’ll host anything,” and boy, did we take that personally.
🦝💻 Visit Iowa Web Hosting and tell them the raccoons sent you. They’ll know what that means.
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