“Tech Support Gets Furry: Raccoon Engineering Takes on The Woodsmith Store”
When the printers started acting like haunted typewriters and the Wi-Fi signal began exclusively supporting squirrels in the parking lot, the Woodsmith Store knew it was time to call in the big guns.
Not Geek Squad. Not IT Dave. No, this time they reached out to the only team brave enough to debug a system while simultaneously chewing on a coaxial cable: Raccoon Engineering.
A Partnership Carved in Oak and Chaos
For over four decades, the Woodsmith name has stood tall in the world of woodworking like a proud maple tree in an Iowa forest. Founded by the legendary Don Peschke, Woodsmith grew from humble beginnings in the 1970s into a woodworking empire — complete with magazines, plans, a store, and enough sawdust to single-handedly clog the gutters of Des Moines.
Enter Kim Downing, a longtime Iowa staple, a woodworking guru, and the human most likely to have a router bit named after him. Together, Don and Kim moved locations — blending precision craftsmanship with Midwestern stubbornness and the occasional curse word when the dovetails didn’t quite dovetail.
But no amount of woodworking mastery could prepare them for the rise of tech issues. That’s where things got… furry.
Raccoon Engineering Logs In (and Naps in the Server Room)
When asked why the Woodsmith Store called Raccoon Engineering, manager (who declined to give his last name but smelled faintly of cedar and regret) said, “Honestly, we were desperate. The website crashed, the drill press started quoting Shakespeare, and someone accidentally installed TikTok on the router. Not the woodworking kind. The Wi-Fi kind.”
The raccoons arrived within 12 minutes, having traveled via a custom-modified Radio Flyer wagon powered by espresso beans and chaos. Wearing tool belts, safety goggles, and a suspicious number of tiny USB sticks, the Raccoon Engineering team immediately got to work.
Within hours:
The printers were working, though they only print in squirrel (Cyrillic-style font with bite marks).
The store’s checkout system was upgraded to accept payment in acorns, debit, or barter (mainly shiny objects).
One raccoon was found asleep inside a Shop-Vac. He was promoted to Regional Manager of Tech Morale.
Historical Accuracy (ish)
The Woodsmith legacy is filled with innovation — from Don Peschke’s early days publishing magazine layouts on a printing press that occasionally burst into flames, to Kim Downing’s invention of the “Why Is This Wood So Expensive” calculator (which just plays a laugh track every time you press equals).
Don famously once said, “Woodworking is about precision, patience, and not gluing your fingers together.” He never mentioned anything about raccoons, but we feel deep in our paws that he’d approve.
Kim, meanwhile, has embraced the chaos, noting in a press release:
“Raccoon Engineering has brought energy, excitement, and a mysterious raccoon-only breakroom that somehow has better snacks than ours. Also, our email now loads 20% faster, though it does occasionally redirect to a YouTube video of raccoons trying to use an iPad.”
The Woodsmith Store Website
