🧠 The Internet (You’re Welcome)
We were digging for snacks and some dude named Al Gore stole our plans for the internet. But truth is while humans were still arguing about floppy disks, our lead engineer Buddy accidentally routed a live wire through a ham sandwich and connected every trash can in the country. Boom—instant global network. Originally designed to locate leftover pizza, the system evolved into what you now know as the internet. Sorry about the pop-ups.

⚙️ Turbo Encabulator 1.0
Long considered impossible by mainstream scientists (and everyone else), we built the first turbo encabulator using a stolen leaf blower, six shoelaces, and a deep understanding of made-up words. It’s loud, confusing, and doesn’t do anything measurable—but it hums, so that’s something.

👙 The Over-the-Shoulder Boulder Holder
Designed for maximum lift, support, and bewilderment, this invention broke both gravity and several minor laws of physics. Also broke two lawn chairs during testing. Still considered a fashion icon in the trash panda community.

🧁 Reverse Microwaving
Need to un-cook a Hot Pocket? We got you. Our reverse microwave chills food back into its raw form—perfect for raccoons who regret nothing but also want a do-over.

🗑️ AI-Powered Snack Locator
Using proprietary algorithms (and one suspiciously smart squirrel), our system triangulates the exact location of the nearest snack. Works on garbage, picnic baskets, and unattended Taco Bell orders.

🎩 Time-Traveling Toaster
So far, it only goes back three minutes, but that’s just enough to prevent burnt bagels. We consider that a win.