Raccoon Engineering Presents: An Unpaid, Unqualified Review of The Well Pennies
(Filed under: Acoustic Snackability & Harmonic Nibbling)
As raccoons with refined musical tastes (and totally legitimate engineering degrees), we here at Raccoon Engineering recently stumbled upon a band so harmonically delicious, we mistook them for a pair of oversized moonlit muffins. Their name? The Well Pennies.
Let’s break it down like a tipped-over trash can:
1. Too Many Feelings, Not Enough Lids
Listening to The Well Pennies is like crawling into a vintage picnic basket and discovering that someone left behind a ukulele, a harmonium, and their entire emotional history. Their harmonies are so tight, we checked for duct tape. Several raccoons cried. One wrote poetry. We don’t talk about what happened to Steve.
2. Illegal Levels of Wholesomeness
This duo is married. MARRIED. And they make music together without a single spat about mixing levels or who left sunflower seeds in the studio monitors. We find this deeply suspicious and possibly magical. Our legal department is investigating (we don’t have one).
3. Production Value: 10/10 Trashcan Lids
Their sound is so clean, it’s like someone pressure-washed a folk record. Everything from vocals to strings is perfectly placed, as if engineered by raccoons with tiny lab coats and way too much access to vintage compressors.
4. Would We Hire Them?
Absolutely not. They’re way too talented. We’d spend half our budget on fancy microphones and gluten-free trail mix. But we will invite them to play at our annual Dumpster Prom if they promise to cover “Freebird” using only spoons and soft glances.
